i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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