The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
