Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
