My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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