just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
