is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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