You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
