Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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