We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found puke in my bra..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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