hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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