you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
