the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
