hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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