3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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