My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
