I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
