I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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