I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
50% drunk capacity currently
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
