I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize