is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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