just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
