im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
