we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
