I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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