Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
