she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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