I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize