hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
