last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
