I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
