I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize