yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
