your room smells of hookers.
And success
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
