after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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