why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
