They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
