sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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