im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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