you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
