I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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