they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
