i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You're like the curious george of whores
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize