It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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