Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
