Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
