You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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