Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
