you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
