life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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