question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
