wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
