Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
