she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He better not be in your backpack
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
