I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
