we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
