my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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