my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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