god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
