You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
