well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
