I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize