Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
