When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this will be a night to untag.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize