Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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