Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
