cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
